Self-Compassion Letters #2

 This was a response to my life at 15. 

Dear Kimberly,

    I want you to know how much you deserve love and care. The treatment you got from your parents was wrong. They should have protected you. The school should have protected you, instead of watching your dad abuse you right in front of them. You deserve all the validation and encouragement Mr. Mason gave you and you deserve validation and encouragement today.
    The system failed you and you deserve better. You deserve safety and you never really got it. It's hard to feel safe when everything around you isn't. You deserve to know what safety really feels like, and I understand that it's hard to experience safety when you never really got it, as a child and now want you to know that you can experience it now, as an adult.
    I also want you to hear that your life matters. You have worth, just by being human. You have made a difference in this world, just by being you. You are a kind, gentle person with a great sense of humor, even if it doesn't always feel that way. You have many people who love and care about and are in your life because they want to be. You deserve to not be given up on, like so many therapists did to you. You deserve better treatment than that and you now have access to it.
    Keep going. You got this. You can make it through any challenge that comes your way. You are strong and resilient. You are a survivor.

Sincerely,
Kimberly/Yourself

This is in response to the camping incident of sexual abuse. 

Dear Kimberly,

    I want you to know that you deserve better. You deserve protection and you never got it. You deserve love and you didn't get it. You deserve to be valued and you weren't. But you can be now. You can value yourself and hear the supportive words around you from your support system. You can protect yourself now because you have more resources now than you did as a child. You have people who support and care about you more than you even realize sometimes. You have people who love you like you should have been as a child. 
    Your parents failed you and your perpetrator. They should have been a safe space for you to talk to. They should have recognized the signs and gotten you the help you both needed. You deserve more than they ever offered you.
    It is okay to be angry at your perpetrator. It's okay to be angry at your friend. You are allowed to feel angry for how you were violated as a child. What happened was wrong and it is okay to feel angry about it.
    I want you to know that it was wrong for how you lost your innocence. It was taken from you at an age where you should have felt safe. You deserve safety. You deserved it as a child and you deserve it now. you have the power now to keep yourself safe and take back that innocence that was stolen from you. You have survived so much and come out the other side. Keep pushing forward. You got this!
    Sincerely,
    Kimberly

This letter is in response to when my parents put me on a diet and began fostering my eating disorder. 

Dear Kimberly,
    You did not deserve to be treated the way your parents treated you. It is wrong to put a child on a diet that was made for adults. You should have never ha to worry about your weight or your diet. You should have never had to worry about the latest diet plan your mom found. Counting calories or points is made for an adult, not a child. You were a child, you should have been treated like a child. You should have been worrying about school dances or friends or extra-curricular activities. You should have been able to focus on things you enjoyed instead of what you ate. You should have never had to worry solely on your body-image like being overweight was the end of the world. 
    You deserved to be uplifted by your parents, not brought down. Your body does not define who you are. I know food was used as a weapon but it doesn't have to be now. You have control now that you didn't have as a child so you don't need to restrict in order to gain control. Eating is necessary for functioning and you need it in order to work through all that you are. You are stronger than your trauma. You deserve to love yourself enough to nourish your body. You have the right to have 3 meals a day, which you never learned from your parents. You can let yourself eat now without feeling out of control. Eating is important to a healthy life and you deserve a healthy life. Focus on what you can control in your life and you will get through this. 
    Sincerely,
    Kimberly.