Grief and Mental Illness

Grief. The process you go through after you have had a major loss in your life. This can be the death of an important person, loss of a job, loss of a pet, loss of a house when moving and so on. Generally the basics of the grief process include that there are five stages and everyone goes through them in different ways. Those five stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventually acceptance. One can move through this process quickly or one can take years to work through it depending on the loss.

Mental illness brings about many changes when it begins. For example, the onset of depression is determined by the symptoms of depressed mood, sleep changes (sleeping too much or too little), appetite changes (eating too much or too little), loss of interest in activities and others. This can look like someone who is usually very motivated to go to work and spend time with friends to someone who struggles to get to work on time and isolates by laying in bed when not at work.

When mental illness strikes, it can take many things from a person. The first thing it takes is the reality of having a good mental health. This can be devastating to many people.  It can ruin relationships, take jobs, take away aspirations and dreams and ultimately the reality that someone will be able to function the same way ever again. This reality leads one into the grieving process.

I have severe mental illness. I do not hide that fact. I have struggled with mental illness since I was a child and it has only progressively gotten worse since then until coming to a final climax this year where I spent 6 months in hospitals before finally receiving the treatment that I needed all along. When my mental illness began to grow in severity, there were things that I couldn't do anymore. I could no longer hold down a full time job. I could no longer maintain a full time student status at school. I had to give these things up. When I gave up these things, I entered the grieving process, the process you go through after you have experienced a major loss. Mental illness took away my first career dream. Mental illness took away the opportunity for me to have a normal college experience. Mental illness took away many friendships that I have had. Mental illness took away my ability to work full time. Mental illness took away my ability to do a full time online college experience for a period of time. Mental illness made me unstable in every aspect of my life for a good period of time and I only made it through because others had my back.

The thing that one has to know is that with mental illness, while it does take away many things, it does give back some things. Mental illness has given me a few things through my experiences with it. The first thing it gave me was that it taught me was that I have more in common with people than I ever thought that I did. Spending lots of time in hospitals meant spending lots of time with people I would have never spent time with outside of the hospital. I made so many friendships throughout my stays in the hospital and many of the people I met in hospitals I am still in contact with and have very strong friendships with. The second thing it gave me was a ton of knowledge that I can now use to help others. The fact that I've been through as much as I have with hospitals, doctors, therapists and medications means I know a thing or two about how the system works and am able to give advice to other people based on my experiences. This is at least one of the things I have hoped would come out of all my negative experiences. The third thing I have gained is some knowledge about myself.  One thing I have learned is just how strong I really am and how much I have to contribute to the world. I also learned how much I matter to the people around me. I have learned how to have strong legitimate friendships again.

Overall, mental illness has taken a lot from me. But I have gained a lot through my experiences with it. I may have lost one dream. But I have gained a new one, and I am pursuing that one. Mental illness will not define my life and it is important to understand that while grieving is a normal process to go through after a mental illness diagnosis, it can not be the end there. Mental illness cannot be the defining factor in someone's life. It is important to learn to manage it and learn to overcome it as difficult as that may be. We define our own lives, mental illness does not.