Bob Jones University

I entered Bob Jones University in the fall of 2011. I was 17 and doing everything I could to get as far away from home as possible. I wanted to go to a Christian college and my youth pastor had suggested Bob Jones so I applied, got accepted and decided to attend. I had attended Summer Orientation and was prepared for the start of my freshman year. I realized once I got there that I had no idea what I was getting myself in to.
I quickly tried to adjust to everything around me and really did enjoy being there. I enjoyed my classes and was doing well in them. I enjoyed being around other Christians and having many friends which was different for me. I was surrounded by people who actually cared about me which was completely different for me compared to where I came from. I was managing pretty well throughout the first semester when we began talking about something in Bible class, I don't remember what exactly, but the teacher brought up abuse and that if we had been through abuse we needed to forgive the people who abused us. This struck me and I wasn't sure what to do with the information. So I emailed the teacher and asked him how you were supposed to do that. He invited me to come by during his office hours. So one day I did and we talked about the abuse that I had been through. When he discovered that I was only 17, he knew immediately that he had to make sure that it was reported so we walked over to the Dean of Women's office. There, we met and discussed what had happened, where and if it had been reported. We talked for a while and the teacher said that he knew someone who could potentially counsel me to help me work through it. The Dean of Women stopped him though and said that she would want me to work with the dorm counselor in my dorm. The dorm counselor was basically a master's student studying something like biblical counseling. So that's where I got sent. I started meeting with the dorm counselor on a weekly basis. We started with listening to sermons and studying passages of the Bible. This went through the end of the semester.
Second semester came and I wanted to continue counseling so I started back up with the dorm counselor. We started going through a book of the Bible. Part way through the semester I started struggling with depression really badly again. I started self-harming again as well. This led to even more drama between me, the dorm counselor and the dorm supervisor. I would tell my friend who lived across the hall from me about the self-harm and she would tell the dorm supervisor about it. They would take the materials away from me and I would just go get more. I would tear apart razors even if I got desperate enough. I started having in-depth conversations with my friend who lived across the hall about a variety of things, including my past abuse that I had gone through. There would be nights when we would stay up until 1am going back and forth about things. Due to the depression, I was missing classes repeatedly and struggling to keep things together. When the suicidal thoughts started, things just got worse. They took the medication out of my room and threatened to make me walk to the campus hospital to take my medications each day but that never happened. One night when I was really suicidal, I was laying in my bed and both the dorm counselor and the dorm supervisor came to address me. I wouldn't talk and they said if I wasn't going to talk then they were going to leave me alone. I was thinking about killing myself and they were going to leave me alone, that makes perfect sense. My friend never left me alone though. She slept in my room that night to make sure that I was safe. This happened more than once. I survived the semester and went home for the summer. The summer was miserable and I made it through.
Returning for my sophomore year, I was excited for hopefully a less stressful year with less credit hours and a schedule planned. I knew I wanted to get help and counseling for my childhood when I got there so at the beginning of the semester I contacted the same teacher that I had asked for help from the year before and he gave me the name of a lady that he had wanted to refer me to the year before. I sent her an email and we agreed to meet.
Upon meeting we discussed some of what I needed help through and we agreed to start meeting weekly. She gave me different things to do and I would do them. Additionally, I also agreed to start meeting with my dorm counselor as well and we started working through the book "Quieting a Noisy Soul" by Jim Berg. Once again, my mental illness showed its head and I became suicidal and started self-harming. They took my medication out of my room and this time the counselor kept it in her apartment.
Then I got into a car accident on campus. I didn't realize when it first happened that it was a car accident so I went and parked my car and left, which obviously caused some big problems. This pissed my parents off big time. It also made the school very mad. The head of public safety made me come into his office at a very inopportune time in my schedule and meet with him. He was very harsh with me and said that he was giving me a ticket and that I was losing my privileges to drive on campus. He outlined the rules of what that meant and had me sign a statement that I agreed to it. Then we walked to my car and he changed the sticker which moved me to the lot off campus. He made me walk all the way back to campus, without consideration that I had to be at a concert shortly after that.
My meeting with the counselor after the accident she decided (or was instructed to, I don't know) she had to address the car accident issue with me. She told me how it was really bad that I left and how I could get in huge trouble for that and everything, which I knew by that point. That same meeting, she also decided to tell me that we were no longer going to be meeting because she didn't think I was taking things seriously enough and I wasn't committed enough to doing the work. This devastated me because I felt like I had been given up on once again, just like I had been in high school. I got really upset and cried (I totally disrupted prayer group that night because of my crying). I went a couple weeks with not meeting with her and just meeting with the dorm counselor before I sent her an email saying that I was committed to working hard and doing what she said. This was shortly before Christmas break.
We met once or twice before Christmas break. She told me that she wanted me to focus on honoring my parents and obeying them. She said that she wanted me to focus on doing right by them. (All of this was CRAZY considering my parents were abusive and she knew it). I agreed to try and we left with that in mind.
Christmas break all hell broke loose at home (see other post) and I got kicked out. When I got kicked out, I texted my dorm counselor and asked her for my counselor's number. She gave it to me and I texted her and let her know that I got kicked out and was struggling. She tried to encourage me and give me some verses to read and said she would be praying for me. I had talked to many of my friends as well as my dorm counselor during the last week of Christmas break about the situation and many of them said they were praying for me and were trying to encourage me as I was struggling.
The day I flew back to Bob Jones things really started falling apart. The flight was fine but the moment I got off the plane and got cell service again in Greenville, I got a slew of text messages from my dad. He said that Bob Jones had called them and told them "everything" about me and told them that if I didn't change I was going to be kicked out. He threw all of it in my face. I began freaking out and started texting people asking what it was about. I talked to the dorm counselor that night and she didn't really know what it was about. I had scheduled a meeting with my counselor the following day to see and hopefully hash some of this out with her.
The next day I went to go meet with her and sat outside her door and waited like usual. When she came, she immediately said that we were going to be meeting with the Dean of Women. No warning, we just immediately walked into the Dean of Women's office. The next thing I knew, I was on trial. I was being questioned about what had happened over Christmas break and about why my story differed from my parents. I was questioned about specifics and why I didn't do this or that. I was challenged about the car accident and it was thrown in my face along with many other details to show that they had done some more digging on it initially that they never told me about. They blamed me completely for the car accident. They threw in my face everything my parents had told them which included the abuse. They questioned me and I had to try to defend myself and try to explain to them that my mom was trying to manipulate them. Even after trying to convince them of this, they responded with "she didn't seem like that was how she was coming across." My mom had successfully manipulated them into believing a bunch of lies about me and I was now riding a thin rope. I was told that if things didn't change I would not be allowed to enroll the following semester. I left and cried.
My following meeting with the counselor, I asked for specifics that I needed to do to meet the Dean of Women's standards. The counselor said she didn't know but would ask and find out. I found out at the next meeting that she wanted me to work on getting my medication for my depression adjusted, work on reconciliation with my parents and one other thing that I can't remember. What's ridiculous is that reconciliation with my parents was not possible and she wanted me to reconcile with my abusers.
Things continued to get worse. I was severely depressed. I was living on my own with no family support. I had no family contact and was really struggling to get through day to day. I was struggling with how to pay bills and how to pay my school bill. I eventually ended up turning back to the thing that helped me when I was depressed, self-harm. When my counselor found out about me self-harming, she immediately told the Dean of Women and I got served with a letter and told that I was on character probation, basically one step away from being kicked out. Character probation is basically a letter saying that you aren't being a good enough Christian to meet their standards so you are on probation to see if you can continue to be enrolled at the school. I was angry and hurt. I was struggling and no one could help me.
I was required to meet with the counselor on a weekly basis. As part of this "counseling" I was given homework and part of my homework was to listen to a bunch of sermons from a few people. Multiple of them talked about bitterness and a couple talked about honoring your parents. I had to listen to these sermons and take notes. The sermons basically said that I had to forgive my parents, my abusers, and that forgiveness meant that 1) to not tell other people about it, 2) to not treat the other person differently, 3) to not bring it up and to 4) not think about it. I was told as someone who had been through abuse that I was not supposed to think about the abuse that I had gone through and was to forgive instead. I was taught through these sermons that I was bitter and that to get rid of bitterness I needed to reconcile with the offender, my abusers. I was taught that I needed to honor my abusive parents and hold them up highly even though they weren't Christians. I was taught that being bitter meant I didn't get grace from God and that I was bitter against my parents. I was taught that I needed to reconcile with my parents and honor them when just before that Christmas, they were actively verbally abusing me.
Things finally came to a head when I texted my school counselor a vague text about what would happen if I was really struggling. This led her to ask me to tell her what was really going on. I wouldn't tell her so she went and got the Dean of Women, to which I went "No!" but it happened anyway. The Dean of Women walked in the room, sat down and said "Kimberly, you have 30 seconds to tell us what's going on or I'm going to kick you off this campus right now." They knew I was suicidal and were threatening to kick me out. I said I was dealing with suicidal thoughts. They asked a follow up question and when I didn't answer fast enough, the Dean of Women said "Okay, Kimberly let's go" like she was going to kick me out. I went "No! I'm thinking," to which she gave me a little bit of time. I answered her question and her response was to tell me that suicide was selfish. Then they gave me a little booklet about suicide to have me read it. They also decided to take the medications out of my room again. However, I got a chance to get to my room before they did and I took out 2 medications and hid them before they got there. So they took the rest of the medications and I kept the rest of them. The next day I felt slightly guilty so I handed over one of the 2 bottles, but they still were not aware I had one bottle left.
That night I took that pill bottle and swallowed all the pills and contemplated using Nyquil too. I had never ODed before so my whole body was shaking and I couldn't go to sleep. I ended up getting sick and threw up all over the bathroom. I went and got my friend who was in the room down the hall. She came and helped clean it up and we talked for a while and I got sick a couple more times. After we talked for a little bit, she went and got the dorm counselor. The dorm counselor came down and I can still remember her face, she was shocked. She asked why and I tried to explain. She went and called the counselor that I was seeing. She came a few minutes later and said that we would be going to the hospital. So me, my dorm counselor and her all went to the nearest hospital. I filled out the paperwork in the emergency room and they took us back. I remember my O2 level was low, like 89% which is something that can happen from the OD that I had. They took us back and asked what happened and then tried to get an IV. They could not successfully get an IV. It took them multiple hours and 5 separate tries to get an IV and they had to use a tiny needle in my wrist to get an IV, I think to get blood to make sure that certain levels were okay and then to try to run fluids. They said I was on watch so the counselor took my phone and my purse. Eventually she agreed to put it on the table in the middle of the room so I could put music on since we were going to be there for a while. Then they decided that I needed to drink charcoal to absorb what I had taken. I remember the counselor trying to build me up so that I would drink it. It was disgusting but not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I drank it one fell swoop and it was done. I just remember my mouth feeling dry and nasty afterward and not being able to have water and that was the worst part. Then, of course, came the throwing up due to the charcoal. Each time I went to throw up the counselor would jump up from her chair and come sit next to me on the bed, like she was coaching and supporting me. I didn't sleep at all that night. When 8am came around, the psychiatrist in the hospital came around to evaluate me. The counselor and dorm counselor left the room so I could talk to the psychiatrist and he asked me a bunch of questions like if I was still suicidal and if I had a history of abuse and all that. He diagnosed me with PTSD during that evaluation. I think I told him that I wasn't suicidal anymore, which I'm pretty sure was a lie at that point but I didn't trust anyone. So he said I could go and was not going to commit me.
On the way back to the campus, the counselor told me that we were going back to her apartment and that I was going to be allowed to sleep there for a couple hours. She told me that she wanted to let me go to Barge and sleep there all day but that that wasn't what the Dean of Women wanted. So she set me up in the spare room in her place and I slept there for a couple hours. I was very unsteady and still very sick from the night before. When I woke up, they led me into the main room where the Dean of Women was sitting along with the counselor. That was when they told me that they were kicking me out. I immediately got upset and started crying which led me to start hyperventilating. The counselor had to come over and kneel next to me and try to calm me down, which after a few minutes I did. They told me that they had already called my friend's parents and set it up for me to go live with them in Indiana, since going home wasn't really an option. Then the Dean of Women said that they had already called my mom and that we were going to have a phone call with my mom. I had not talked to my parents at all since I had left Colorado over winter break. My mom asked me what happened and why I did it and tried to tell me how much she loved me and wanted me to come home and said that we could even do a trial basis (this was all pure manipulation on her part, as she was trying to play the victim in the situation). I said no and she started trying to make me feel guilty and saying how I was making stuff up about them. The Dean of Women also said that she did not believe what I had said about my parents, that she thought I was lying, because I had made up lies about her.  I just started crying. I cried and cried and cried. They took me to the back room where I was still crying and I couldn't stop. They ended up calling the head of public safety about me who decided that I needed to be hospitalized. He came to the counselor's apartment and when he came in, the counselor and him looked at each other and she shook her head at him as if to say that I hadn't stopped and it wasn't good. He came up to meet and kneeled in front of me and told me to stop and calm down. He told me that I had two choices, either I signed myself into the hospital or he was going to get a judge to sign me into a hospital. I told him I couldn't, I didn't have insurance (I had found out mine had expired). He said, it didn't matter, they could find assistance for me. I needed to decide if he was going to have to get a judge or if I would go willingly. I agreed and he said okay. He then had the dorm supervisor pack a bag of clothes for me and we started making our way to the car. We had to walk through the apartment around the front of the building and then all the way through the lobby to the back of the building to the car. I had started feeling completely sick again and was so nauseous that with every step I took, I felt like I was going to throw up so I could barely hold myself up. I was leaning on the counselor for support as we walked. As we slowly made our way through the lobby, the Dean of Women made the comment "Come on Kimberly, I know you can move faster than that." No sympathy or empathy, just demanding that I move faster despite how terrible I was feeling.
Eventually, we made it to the car where the Dean of Women and the head of Public Safety were. The Dean of Women decided to sit in the back with me during the drive. Her and the head of Public Safety chatted happily the whole drive and completely ignored me, except for the one time I started dry heaving again, the head of Public Safety asked me if I was okay. When we got to the hospital, the head of Public Safety went and got me a wheelchair because he knew I couldn't walk well. The Dean of Women was still treating me very crass and like I was perfectly fine, which I wasn't. They wheeled me into the lobby and explained the situation to them. They asked them if they had brought my meds and they showed them the Walmart bag of meds that was my entire medical supply of meds including all my over the counter meds (I was completely embarrassed by this) to which the nurses responded with "Seriously?" obviously annoyed by the whole situation. In the lobby I was still dry heaving and one of the nurses got me a cold washcloth to put on my face which seemed to calm down my body. Once they decided to take me to the admitting room, the Dean of Women and head of Public Safety left. In the admitting room there were 2 chairs and a small couch. I was so exhausted that I could barely stay awake and the lady doing my admit was going in and out of the room so I decided to lay on the small couch and answer her questions from there. Once we got through that process, they wheeled me back into the unit and did more intake paperwork, which I struggled to stay awake for. After that they showed me to my room and let me sleep.
I spent four days in the hospital. During those 4 days, I remained in contact with my friend and my counselor from Bob Jones. I also stayed in contact with the family that I was going to be moving in with. One day, the counselor and the Dean of Women came and visited me during visitation hours. I was not thrilled that the Dean of Women showed up. I didn't want to see her at all and it was hard to put on a happy face. Throughout my 4 day stay, I was asked repeatedly if I was suicidal and I always said no, even though I was. All I wanted to do was get out of there but because I wasn't honest, my medication did not get changed so nothing was going to improve. The hospital knew that I was moving to Indiana and were going to try to set some future appointments up for me but I didn't know what part of Indiana I was moving to so they couldn't. They just suggested that I did once I left. I got discharged with no follow up care and just a plan to move to Indiana.
Immediately after being discharged, I was taken to Bob Jones to load my stuff, which had already been packed up for me and take part of it to the uncle of the family I was going to be moving in with and part of it to one of my other friend's place for me to go through. I spent a couple nights at my friends house, getting the chance to process the fact that I was leaving Greenville and Bob Jones with some support. Once everything was gone through, we packed everything up in my car and I drove to Tennessee where I was meeting the family I would be moving in with for a wedding. After a couple days in Tennessee, we eventually made our way to Indiana.

I never did go back to Bob Jones. Bob Jones does have a rule that once they kick you out you aren't allowed on their campus unless you meet with the Dean of Women or Men and get what's called your "campus privileges" back. When Bob Jones was being investigated by GRACE, I requested to have a meeting but not with the Dean of Women because of how traumatized I was by her actions. So I met with the Dean of Students and the Assistant Dean of Women. Through that meeting, I was able to get my campus privileges back. I was also able to change the writing on my transcript. They had originally put on my transcript that I had been put as a disciplinary suspension which is not what they claimed so I requested that they change that and they agreed to change that to Involuntary Withdrawal. I also requested for an apology from the Dean of Women and the counselor but I never did get one. They said that they didn't think they did anything worth apologizing for.

This was my experience with Bob Jones University. It has left me with a very messed up faith and I struggle with it right now. But I am actively working through this and hope to be moving forward.