I decided that I should create a list of practical things people can do to help me and others who are struggling with depression or who may be hospitalized for their mental illness.
1) Be there.
This would seem to be so obvious to some people but it's something so many people forget. This can be done in a variety of ways. If I am in the hospital, come visit me if you can. If you can't, call me or write me a letter or even send a card. It seems so simple but it makes such a huge difference. If I am just struggling with depression overall, don't just assume I know you are there for me. Depression clouds my thinking and my viewpoint and makes me think that I am being a burden to whoever I reach out to. So being there for me may mean reminding me that you are there if I need to talk. It may be actually calling me and asking me how I'm doing if you notice I'm struggling. It may be coming over and watching a movie with me. Just being there is what is most important. Another part of being there is staying with me if I do feel like harming myself. If the urge to harm myself is serious enough, sometimes I need someone to be in my apartment with me to keep me safe until the urge passes or until I go see a professional.
2) Help with household tasks
One thing I really struggle with when I'm in a deep depression is house cleaning. I have no energy to clean and therefore I don't so my apartment gets messy. I also have no energy to do laundry either. Another thing I have trouble doing is cooking or preparing meals for myself when I am depressed. Sometimes even putting something in the microwave is all I can do. Offering to help with my animals is another way you can help me when I am struggling with depression. When I am in the hospital, this is even more important. I need someone who can look after my animals. I need someone who can provide meals the first few days home as I may not have the energy to do it. I need someone to help me keep my apartment clean and my laundry done once I leave the hospital.
3) Prayer
This is something that those who pray can do to help me. Knowing people are praying for me is a huge comfort.
4) Logistics
One of the hardest things when it comes to being hospitalized is dealing with things like transportation to and from the hospital as well as getting me the things I need for while I'm in the hospital. This may mean I need someone to go to my apartment and pack me a suitcase if I do end up needing to be hospitalized and it's an emergency. I may need rides home from the hospital or even rides to the hospital. If something serious happens in my depression and I need to be taken to an ER to be checked out, it is much easier having someone take me there than it is going in with EMS. EMS just increases my anxiety and is an additional expense that sometimes insurance doesn't cover. This means I need people who are willing to drive me to the ER if I do something like cut myself too deep or am at a high risk of harming myself.
5) Financially
Now I understand this is not something that everyone can do and no one can do it all the time. I totally understand that. But even if it's just a couple dollars here or there to help me cover bills I have no way to pay. I cannot say enough about how much stress has been relieved when people have offered to help financially. Life continues to move on even if I am in the hospital or so depressed I can't get out of bed to go to work and bills continue to come.
6) Random acts of kindness
Now this kind of ties in to some of the other things listed above. But this can be a letter in my mailbox, a random text or email or a Facebook message. Sometimes when I'm depressed I don't like answering the phone and texting is easier for me to communicate through than over the phone. This could also be taking me to lunch or anything outside of the house if I'm having a hard time leaving the house by myself. And if the depression is too bad for me to leave the house at all, showing up with some ice cream and a movie is an easy way to help me out and make me feel like you care.
7) Education
Now this is a HUGE one. So many people don't understand mental illness and what it's like to deal with depression and suicidal thoughts or what cutting is and why I do it and things like that. So being willing to ask questions about the disorders I struggle with to try to gain understanding and insight is one way that people show me that they care. Education could also mean doing some quick research on the web about the different things I struggle with. There are SO many articles out there that explain what it's like to live with mental illness and ways to help. I personally love it when my friends ask questions. I love it when people say "I've read this article, how is this related to what you go through?" I would much rather people ask questions then assume they know the answers and pass judgment (even when they don't realize it). Another part of education is having an open mind about the subject in general. I have met many people who are unwilling to learn about mental illness and in doing so make comments that hurt me and push me away. Having an open mind and wanting to understand is a great way to help me.
Overall, these 7 things include something that everyone can do to help those who have a mental illness during the difficult times. I know there have been times where I wouldn't have made it without the support of others around me. Many people ask me how they can help and I don't always have an answer for them because it is difficult to ask for help and admit that I'm struggling. So be willing to reach out and extend a helping hand even if it's something small. It makes a world of difference.
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