Reasons Why Sexual Trauma Was Not My Fault

One of the assignments while I was inpatient was to write a paragraph for every reason I thought the sexual trauma was my fault, discrediting it. 

Reason #1: I was the older one. 
Why it's wrong: I may have been older in age, however I was more vulnerable because of all the other trauma that was going on at the same time. My parents were physically and emotionally abusing me at the same time which created an unsafe environment for me. Because of this, there was no safety for me and it affected my development. It made my emotional and mental age younger than I actually was. This left me to fall prey easily to any further abuse that took place. 
Today I am learning that age does not equal maturity.

Reason #2: I could have stopped it.
Why it's wrong: I knew I didn't like it and I knew I couldn't stop it or say no. I had been taught that saying no wasn't an option and that it wasn't okay to use my voice even if I didn't like what was going on or happening to me. This meant that I couldn't say no to my perpetrator when things started happening. They were the one leading it and I couldn't say no to them. I didn't know how to say no to them or to anything I didn't like.
Today I am learning that while I was powerless then, I'm not powerless anymore. 

Reason #3: My parents knew about it and didn't do anything. 
Why it's wrong: My parents should have protected me. They should have protected my perpetrator from what they went through initially and should have provided a safe environment for them to speak up. This would have prevented (maybe) them from doing it in the first place. Then, even if it did happen, they should have protected me by providing an environment that taught me how to speak up and ask for help. Additionally, when my mom was suspicious, she should have done something and not let it continue to happen. She shouldn't have given up so easily. 
Today I am learning that just because my parents screwed up does not mean that I am screwed up. 

Reason #4: I could have controlled it. 
Why it's wrong: I didn't have any power or control to stop it. My perpetrator was the one with the power in this event, this trauma. I had no control over what was going on during this time because my perpetrator led it and I had no control over what they did to me. Because of the lack of power and control I had, I didn't let it happen. I wasn't able to stop it and if I was able, I certainly would have. But I was a child and was the powerless one in this trauma. 
Today I am learning that because I had no control, it was not my fault. 

Reason #5: I could have said no. 
Why it's wrong:  I didn't have the emotional or psychological ability to say no. I was never taught that no was an acceptable answer. In fact, I was taught the opposite. I did not have the emotional ability to say no because I did not develop it due to the other abuse and trauma that I was experiencing at that time. This trauma affected my emotion and psychological development and I never developed the ability to say no. So I couldn't say no when it was happening. 
Today I am learning that no is an acceptable answer. 

Reason #6: I could have spoken up for myself. 
Why it's wrong: I didn't know how to speak up for myself. In my household at that time, it was expected for me to be seen and not heard and there was never any option for me to speak up for myself. And even if I did say something,I would have probably been blamed by my parents because that was their go to and everything was always my fault. I had no real voice and couldn't speak up for myself even if I had the opportunity. 
Today I'm learning I have the right to speak up for myself.