A letter to my parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

When you held your baby girl for the first time, what dreams did you have for her? That she would become a doctor? Or change the world? That she would be an overachiever in sports and academics? That she would love her life and her family? Did you dream she would be beautiful? Did you dream that she would be successful?
Were you disappointed when she chose music and academics over sports? When her weight ballooned and she was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, ending any hopes you had of her being what you wanted her to be? Did you ever think you would cast her aside for your other child, the one who fulfilled the dream that you had for her but she couldn't execute?
Did you ever think that that baby girl you held in your arms would be cursed with the genes that caused mental illness? That ended up taking the life of your baby girl's grandmother and aunt and that affected many other family members lives?  Did you ever think your baby girl would become depressed at the age of 14 and turn to self harm? Did you ever think you would need to be aware of the signs that she needed your help? Or did you know the signs because you experienced things very similar and you didn't want to see them in your child so you overlooked them? Did you ever think you would push the issue under the rug once you knew? Did you ever think your baby girl would end up in the psychiatric hospital for the first time at age 15? Or that she would have 15 more hospitalizations in the years after? Did you ever think that your baby girl would try to end her life 5 times?
Did you ever think your baby girl would be on disability at the age of 21? That she would be diagnosed with 4 mental illnesses: major depressive disorder that is severe and treatment resistant, generalized anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and borderline personality disorder? Did you ever think she would struggle with panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks, mood swings, and chronic suicidal thoughts? Did you ever think that the genes you passed on to your child combined with the environment she grew up in would lead her having to fight mental illness every day? That she wouldn't find a treatment that would work even after years and years of trying medications? Medications like Celexa, Zoloft, Lexapro, Cymbalta, Effexor, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Abilify, Seroquel, Lithium with no relief? Did you ever think that she would even have to try electroconvulsive therapy also known as shock therapy with still no real relief?
Did you ever think that your baby girl would have to fight to get out of bed everyday and try to function? That she would have to fight to get a college education? That she would have to fight the pain inside every day so much that it exhausted her? Did you ever think that that baby girl that you held in your arms that day would end up with a life like this?
Did you think she would cut off communication with you for years at a time, hoping that she could heal and find a way to manage her mental illnesses?
When you saw your little girl for the first time, did you see her becoming a wife and a mother of her own some day? Did you dream of having grandbabies? Did you ever think that she would choose not to have children of her own so that no human would enter the world and have to suffer like she did?
When you held your baby girl for the first time, did you ever see her becoming a person who advocates for those that need to be advocated for? Did you ever dream that she would love those that are helpless, like animals and young children? Did you ever see her becoming strong in spite of adversity, independent without support, and self-sufficient without guidance?
Mom and Dad, could you ever picture what your baby girl would become? With or without you?