In my history of dealing with my psychiatric disorder, I have had many road and stumbling blocks. As my illness became more severe, doctors began turning me away.
The first time I was given up on by a doctor was during one of my psychiatric hospitalizations. I spent six weeks in this hospital. The first doctor I had put me on medication and just expected me to get better and stabilize out. That didn't happen and she was going to send me home knowing that I was still actively suicidal. The other patients in the unit I was in were terrified for me. They talked to their doctors and to all the staff and nurses working there at the time. They told them they were worried about my safety. I was worried about my safety. So I filed a grievance and wrote my doctor a letter and that doctor gave up on me and sent me to a different doctor. This doctor was good. She kept me when I needed to be kept even when I didn't want to stay. She worked with me when it came to dealing with my trust issues with doctors. She tried me on a handful of medication combinations and nothing helped. I still didn't get better. So she gave up on me and sent me to another doctor who happened to be the medical director of the facility. That doctor changed my medications and I got a little bit better but not by much, just stabilized out some and was set up to do the partial hospitalization program, where instead of seeing the doctor there I saw her because she didn't want the other doctor to have to deal with my difficult case. Lots happened and I ended up hospitalized again for another 10 days before being sent home. In addition to the 3 doctors I was assigned to during my stay there, there were other doctors that I would see when the doctor I was assigned to was off. Those doctors told me that it wasn't likely I would get better and that they didn't know what to do with me. So they did nothing. When I needed to be re-admitted to the hospital, they refused to take me. I am now blacklisted from this hospital because they don't know what to do with me. They don't know how to help me. I'm not sure if that is for life or how long that will be on my file but right now it is there. I can no longer be a patient at that hospital because they don't know how to help me.
The next time I was turned away was at the hospital I was admitted to next. I was at this hospital about 4 times in the span of a month and a half and spent a couple weeks in their partial hospitalization program. Through this I saw multiple doctors. Each one originally did everything they could to help me. But after everything, with me being there as many times as I was, they started to turn me away. The doctors there will no longer accept me as a patient. I guess what was most frustrating about this part of it was that they gave me guidelines I needed to follow to get back into their program and even when I followed those, they still turned me away. I'm now no longer allowed at that hospital because the doctors refuse to take me as a patient.
The next time I was turned away was during my next set of hospital stays. The first doctor I was assigned to told me that I wasn't going to get better and would always feel awful. I requested a different doctor and he was much better and more helpful. But the things the first doctor said are still hurtful.
The next time I was turned away was by my own psychiatrist. I had been seeing this psychiatrist for a while at that point and she just looked at me and said she didn't think that I was going to get any better and that there was nothing she could do for me. She said I could get a second opinion and I started the referral process. Every psychiatrist office I tried to get into turned me away because my case was too challenging. I was forced to stay with my current psychiatrist for a short period of time
The next time I was turned away was at another hospital. This hospital kept me for 11 days the first time and then sent me home, only for me to break down and have to go back a week later. When I went back, they wanted to get rid of me as fast as they could and pushed me out the door. When I tried to get back in later on, I would call and they wouldn't even answer or return my phone calls. When my therapist them, they told me that the doctor there would not accept me as a patient anymore. This is the third hospital blacklist I was put on.
The next time I was turned away was by an organization designed to support those with mental illness. They provide classes and support groups. I am not allowed to attend either because they don't think they can help me. I'm in the process of challenging that but it's a work in progress.
That being said, I've been turned away at so many places that it's hard for me to continue to seek out help. Why reach out to someone if they will most likely give up on me and turn me away like so dmany have? It's hard to feel hopeful about getting better when many qualified doctors and therapists have deemed me a lost cause.
I try not to focus on it but it's hard sometimes.
My point with this though is that this needs to change! No matter how difficult a case may be, doctors must do their absolute best to help that person even if that means they spend multiple hours researching and years trying different combinations and other alternative treatments. Our mental health system is so broken and its destroying lives. Mental illness is not a straight and narrow; everyones mental illness look different and acts different. Every person has worth and it's time to start treating them that way. It times for professionals to not be afraid to get their hands dirty and do some work to make sure that their patients are getting help. It's time for our community to step up and challenge those who turn difficult cases away just because it may be too hard. Every life that can be saved and helped is worth it.
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