Sexual trauma part #1

*************************Trigger Warning: Sexual trauma****************************** 

There are a lot of pieces that go into this so I'll be sharing them a couple at a time. My sexual trauma started when I was about 10-11 and my perpetrator was younger than I was. I will warn you now that they are a little graphic. 

    A couple times a year, my family would go camping at National parks in the area. We would go in a camper which offered many luxuries lie A/C and heaters and we would bring a TV and a DVD player. Our camper at this time was on the smaller side. It had a couch and dining area that could both be turned into bed and a separate bedroom for my parents as well as a bathroom and small kitchen.
    Sometimes when we went camping, we were allowed to bring a friend. Preparation for camping was normal, routine. We loaded up the camper  with everything we needed from food to clothes to toiletries. We usually brought our dogs with us, all 5 of them. They generally rode with us in he truck and extra car we took. This trip, we went to a part called Island Acres, which was a spot slightly out of town that we frequented often. It had a lake to swim in and a lake to fish in. My friend and I frequented the swimming lake, sometimes going multiple times a day or spending all day there. One thing I remember is that sometimes when we would go to the lake, we would fondle each other underneath the water since the water was dark from the sand and you couldn't see beneath the surface. This involved sticking our hands in each others swimsuits and fingering each other. This happened multiple times during the trip we took. 
    The door between my parents' bedroom and us shut every night leaving us to ourselves. We turned the couch and dining area into a bed, with a piece of plywood connecting the two to make a bed for us that went wall to wall. One night after my parents had gone to bed, this perpetrator came up with the idea that we play doctor. It started with us going into the small bathroom in pairs. My friend and my perpetrator, me and my perpetrator, and me and my friend. We would each go in the bathroom one person being the patient and one person being the doctor. The person being the patient would take their clothes off so they could be "examined" by the doctor. Being "examined" meant doing a lot of different things. When it was my friend and I, the doctor would fondle the other person's breasts and private areas. At one point a flashlight got involved to assist the "examination". When it was my perpetrator and I, I would give him oral sex in the bathroom or on the bed. This went on for a while, us trading out for turns to be "examined" and be the doctor. I remember that there was this ledge in the bathroom that was perfect for someone to stand on it to make them up high enough that "examining" their private areas much easier, especially for my friend and I. I have this specific image inside my head of us on the bed in the camper, us taking turns going into the bathroom. 
    This "game" happened multiple times on the camping trip. This experience made me feel shame and fear and overall uncomfortable: shame for the whole experience and what it was related to, and fear that my parents would find out and that my life would be made worse and very uncomfortable because of the nature of this experience. 

This is a second incident that happened.

One evening when my perpetrator and I were left to ourselves, we decided to play a "game". I don't exactly remember what it was called but it involved putting your hand on someone's knee and slowly inching up their leg and when they started to get nervous, they would say "stop", the goal being who could last the longest. So my perpetrator and I started to play this "game", except after a few times, we didn't say stop. So we ended up reaching into each other's pants. I remember feeling anxious and slightly uncomfortable as the game progressed. My perpetrator quickly became "hard". So we took off our clothes and began doing sexual acts. First, my perpetrator wanted oral sex, so we started there. I remember feeling uncomfortable, especially since my perpetrator said I was doing it wrong, using my teeth too much.
    Then, making sure the door was locked, we moved on to anal sex and vaginal sex. I remember my perpetrator enjoying it more than I did. When he finally came to a head, he ran out of the room to the bathroom to relieve himself. We continued to mess around and he started playing with my vagina, sticking his fingers inside me and moving them around trying to elicit a response from me. At one point he asked "does this feel good?" It didn't but I let him do it anyway.
    At this point, there was a rattling of the doorknob and a knock on the door. It was my mom, who had woken up and was curious about what was going on. Instantly we panicked. I couldn't get to my clothes fast enough so we hid them and I went into the closet which was packed full. As I was still naked, it was really uncomfortable being in the closet. My perpetrator opened the door and my mom asked what was going on. My perpetrator said nothing and my mom asked where I was. My perpetrator said "I don't know". My mom went into my room and I wasn't there. She again asked my perpetrator and he said he didn't know. My mom shrugged and went downstairs to smoke. At this point, I came out of the closet and got dressed. Then my perpetrator and I were talking when my mom came back up the stairs and once again asked what we were doing. My perpetrator said we were about to play Family Feud and my mom decided that she wanted to join. From there, we played Family Feud and all questions were dropped.